Hidden Read online

  “He won’t put another finger on you again.” Ethan wrapped his strong arms around her. “I promise.”

  “Please don’t do anything reckless.” Rayn embraced him, knowing he wouldn’t be able to keep that promise, but she would. If Colton dared approach her again, she’d report him through her dad. “Never in a million years did I think I would be messing around with a white guy.” Rayn caressed his jaw. “I’m so thankful our paths crossed.”

  He bowed his head and captured her lips with his. She circled her arms around his neck. Rayn had counted down the days until she could be back in his arms. It had been more than a week since she’d seen him.

  Ethan came up for air. “How was Cali?”

  “It was great to get away.” She massaged the back of his neck. Rayn had needed a break from all the negativity on campus. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. One day, they would pick on the black students and the next day they would choose to mess with the Hispanic students. It was one small group of white students with the ideology that they were better than everyone else on campus. “We went to Santa Catalina Island. The beach there is breathtaking. I snorkeled for the first time.” She smiled, thinking of the ocean. It was so peaceful to listen to the waves as they crashed against the shoreline. “Have you ever been scuba diving?”

  “I’ve never even been to the beach.” Ethan inched away and leaned against the wall.

  “What, you’ve never been to the beach?” Rayn had never met someone who hadn’t seen or been to the beach.

  “Never been,” Ethan voiced. “Mom used to talk about growing up near the ocean. That’s what she misses the most from her childhood.” He looked out the window.

  “Maybe one day we can take a trip.” She loved being in Ethan’s presence. “I’ll be your first!” Rayn giggled, joking with him. He was so different than what she’d imagined. Ethan was humble and thankful for everything he had, even if it was a penny. She was usually attracted to dark men like her father, but Ethan was the complete opposite. The first time she’d seen Ethan had been in Chemistry class her sophomore year, and then later when Colton and his minions had yelled obscene names at her and her friend Rebecca.

  “Maybe.” He glanced at her. “We’re supposed to go visit her homeland one day.”

  “Then I’ll be your second.” She walked up to him. “You’re such a momma’s boy.”

  “I am.” He pinched her ass cheek. “Did you miss me?”

  Rayn smiled. “I always do.”

  They’d been friends with benefits for more than two years. But who was she kidding? They were more than friends at this point. He was part of her study group. She’d showed up at the library and dreaded their meeting that first time she saw him sitting alone at the assigned area. She’d seen him around campus with the group of students who had a problem with the black students, so she’d assumed he was like them. But Ethan was nothing like those assholes. He’d been a complete gentleman from day one. He was failing the class and needed help, so she’d agreed to tutor him, but only at the library. She hadn’t trusted him at the time; it might’ve been a trick. They’d worked long hours until he understood the material.

  One day, she’d run out of class pissed off at him and the world because one of the bigots had pressed gum in her hair when she wasn’t looking, and she couldn’t get it out. Instead of meeting him in the library, she went to her dorm room to sulk in silence. Ethan knocked on her door, and without thinking, she opened it. He was standing on the other side with a Ziploc bag of ice in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other.

  “Just in case,” Ethan said, opening and closing the scissors.

  “How did you know?” Rayn asked nervously, looking around the hallway.

  “I saw you blow up and run out.” He gave her half a smile. “Rayn, I’m nothing like them.”

  “You know that saying, birds of a feather flock together?” She raised an eyebrow.

  “I’m a different type of bird.” He eased closer to her. “My mother said to try to ice the gum for a few minutes and see if it will come out.”

  “You called your mother?”

  “Yes.” He chuckled. “She was an elementary teacher’s aide long time ago, and I bet she had her share of gum-in-hair incidents. Are you going to let me in?”

  Rayn opened the door wider. “I have pepper spray.” She couldn’t afford to let anyone see him standing outside her door. Both the white and black students would have a problem with it.

  “I don’t care what people say.” Ethan strolled in.

  “I do.” She closed the door. They spent the entire night trying to get the gum out, and in the end, Ethan had to cut her hair.

  That night had been the beginning of their friendship. One thing led to another and before she knew it, they ended up in a secret love-thing. She shook away the memories and focused on him.

  “How was Oklahoma?” she asked.

  “Depressing.” Ethan looked down below at the students walking in and out the building. “It’s my fault. I should’ve graduated a year ago. I almost lost my scholarship,” he sighed, clearly feeling sorry for himself. “I want to hurry up and get a good-paying job, so I can help my parents get out of that neighborhood.” His pain would never, ever compare to the treatment Rayn went through, but he had his share of prejudice growing up a biracial child in the poorest part of town. Kids tried to bully him, but he didn’t allow them to have power over him. His mother instilled in him the gift of survival.

  “We only have three months to go. Like I always say, You got this.” Rayn brushed her hands together. “How are your parents doing?”

  “As well as they can be.” Ethan leaned against the glass. “Unlike your family, we couldn’t enjoy a luxurious vacation. My father has to work hard to keep the lights on.” His parents had been through a lot, and it was hard to see his parents struggle. Ethan sent the little money he had home.

  “My parents worked hard for what they have. I’m not going to apologize for their accomplishments.” Where is this coming from? Rayn strolled into the kitchen area. “Why does it feel like you’re attacking me for my father’s wealth?”

  “I’m not.” He scratched his chin. “I just wish my parents’ lives would have turned out differently. They were headed in the right direction before my mom got sick. My mother’s health has kept them from being able to succeed,” he added with obvious regret. “Having cancer and beating it twice isn’t cheap. Even after all they’d been through, they still sacrificed what little they have to make sure my dream of attending college would come true.”

  She didn’t know what to say. Rayn’s parents were healthy now, but Ethan’s mother had been battling cancer for years. That would take a toll on the strongest person. At times, she wondered what his parents were like. Were they as kind as he was? But she didn’t have the right to be thinking about his family or who and how they were. Their relationship wasn’t real, she kept telling herself over and over, it was something to make being away from home bearable.

  Rayn was sure of one thing: neither his nor her parents would approve of what was going on in between these walls. It worked to her advantage, their friends-with-benefits sort of relationship would end on graduation day, regardless of how she felt for Ethan.

  “This isn’t how I want to spend our first day back together.” She grabbed a handful of grapes and joined him. “I know you’ll help your parents fulfill their dreams of owning a farm, with a horse and a couple of chickens, one day.” Rayn fed him a couple of grapes.

  Ethan chuckled, chewing. “You listened.”

  “Of course.” She popped some fruit in her mouth. “A spotted pony.”

  “Have I told you,” he said against her lips, “how much I missed you?”

  “Yes, but you can continue telling me.” She entwined their fingers together and pulled him over to the floor. “My entire body needs to feel how much you miss me.”

  “We have time for that.”

  That wasn’t what she expected to he
ar from Ethan. Rayn was horny, to say the least. She needed a good dosage of his loving and he was being stingy at the moment.

  Chapter Three

  “Can We Talk” by Tevin Campbell played in the background as they sat wrapped in each other’s arms on the cool floor. Ethan kissed the side of Rayn’s neck. He missed being able to touch her during spring break. They couldn’t talk much because she was with her family. Rayn’s family was a bit like Colton’s, in that she was forbidden from dating outside her race. “Every time I hear this song, I think about you.” He entwined their fingers together, admiring the contrast of their skin. He didn’t understand why some people would have an issue with someone over their race. He’d asked Colton several times why he felt the way he did, and had never gotten any kind of straight answer. After meeting his parents, Ethan came to the conclusion that Colton had inherited the hatred trait from them.

  “How so?” Her head rested on his chest.

  “I remember the first time I saw you.” He stared at her pink, manicured fingernails, remembering the first time he’d seen her enter the library. Her hair was parted into two puff ponytails and she wore a short romper showcasing her toned legs. “I wanted to approach you, but…” He caressed her knuckles.

  “You were afraid of what your little friends would say.” She tilted her head, glancing up at him.

  Ethan tapped her nose. She was partly right. He’d been about to say something corny when Colton and his asshole friends entered at the same time Rayn had given him her famous eyeroll. “No, the look on your face said you didn’t want to be bothered. Just like the one you gave me when I showed up at your door with ice and a pair of scissors.”

  “You’re probably right.” Her body shook as she giggled. “You tried every trick in the book, and you still ended up cutting a chunk of my hair.” He’d seen that jerk, Kirk, put a piece of gum in her hair during class. Ethan watched her get up and run out of the classroom. The faculty didn’t do shit after he reported the incident. So, he’d taken matters into his own hands. He’d adjusted Kirk’s shampoo, mixing it with just enough hair removal creme to do the job. Ethan chuckled, remembering how hard he’d tried to hold in his own laughter as Kirk washed his hair away that day.

  “Hair grows back.” He freed her hand and began playing in her short coils. “Your hair reminds me of a sponge.” He pulled a coil and released it, watching as it sprang.

  “That’s a first,” she replied, raising an eyebrow. “Sponge is much better than other things it’s been compared to.”

  Ethan pressed his lips against her forehead. “I love your hair,” he added, recalling the terrible things Colton had said. He eased away, then grabbed the moisturizing grease and comb off the side table.

  Rayn’s lips lifted up. She loved it when he oiled her scalp. Ethan had watched his father comb his mother’s hair when she was sick, watched him moisturize her scalp when she lost all her hair because of the chemo and medication. When he did the same for Rayn, she would always fall asleep halfway through.

  “All that beach-time dried out my hair.”

  “I see.” Ethan started gently parting her hair, making sure not to pull hard.

  “Is it that bad?” She touched her hair.

  “Nah, I’m messing with you.” He dipped his index finger in the thick cream and guided it through her pale scalp.

  She closed her eyes. “I taught you well.”

  “I’ll do anything to make you happy.” Ethan continued combing through her hair. “Like keeping us hidden.”

  “I’m happy not having to worry about the world outside.” Rayn pointed at her apartment door. “I’m selfish. I don’t want anyone to ruin what we have.”

  “I don’t agree. However, I understand.” In reality, he needed to keep up the charade, but if she said the word, he would scream it to the world. He would sacrifice everything to be with her.

  ***

  She had lit candles around the studio, and now they were casting a soft, warm glow. The flickering of the flames caused dancing shadows on their skin as they made love.

  “Ethan!” She moaned as her freshly manicured nails grazed the back of his neck. She couldn’t control the way his strokes affected her pussy. His manhood touched all the right places in her tight canal until it pounded against her G-spot, making her cry in ecstasy. Tiny little specks of bright-colored lights danced before her eyes as she began having an out-of-body experience. Rayn saw herself smiling at him like a fool, with her eyes rolled back as he continued to hammer her pussy with determined precision. “Oh my God, Eee-than,” she whispered, out of breath as her upper body fell onto the mattress.

  Ethan’s lips curled up into a naughty grin and her heart fluttered. The guy was a beast when it came to pleasuring her. She didn’t have one complaint about him when it came to sex. He made sure she came at least once before he did, every single time they made love. It was sort of a given that this knucklehead had crept into her heart.

  His dirty-blond hair appeared brown at the moment because his locks were damp from the lovemaking sessions, she’d become used to on a daily basis. Ethan gazed into her eyes with his bright hazel irises as he took her bottom lip in to his mouth and bit down on it. He grabbed her ankles, lifting them up and placing them over his shoulders as he plunged deeper inside her wetness. All that could be heard in her apartment was the slurping sounds of his rod going in and out of her now overly wet pussy—and her intense moaning.

  “You’re,” he slapped her hip, “fucking wet.”

  Her juices covered his manhood and dripped down her ass. “Damn!” She banged her head against her pillow.

  He closed his eyes, signaling his impending climax. Ethan wasn’t much of a talker while having sex and it didn’t bother her in the least. She didn’t mind being the only one talking trash while being satisfied. She tried to move to get comfortable, but he wouldn’t let her. His grip on her hips was getting painful.

  “Don’t—” he uttered between gritted teeth “—move,” he grunted, trying to keep in control.

  Rayn did what was asked of her. Almost against her better judgment, she didn’t move. She loved the way Ethan looked when he was about to come. He clutched her hips, guiding her body the way he wanted. He was in total control of her, body and mind; she danced to the beat of the music Ethan was creating. His movements became faster and in a sudden move, he dropped his head to her shoulder and bit down on her collarbone as if he was a vampire, but the sensation of pain and pleasure made her come again. Ethan came deep inside of her with a growl.

  He planted tiny kisses on the area he bit, and then swirled his tongue on her sensitive skin. “I missed you,” he panted, “so fucking much.”

  She drew a long breath, trying to regain her senses.

  “Do you love me?” he asked, out of breath, as he released her legs.

  Where the hell did that question come from?

  She slowly pushed him off her and turned away from him. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”

  “Really, Rayn, not until you answer my question.” He pushed up on his elbows. “Do you love me?”

  “I can’t.” She rolled over, turning her back on him. Rayn wasn’t ready for love. Her life was already planned out. She was to finish college, attend medical school, become a doctor, and then marry a successful man—a successful black man—and live happily ever after. Ethan came along and ruined her dreams, making her fall deeply in love with the one thing prohibited to her, a white man. He wasn’t supposed to end up in her bed, let alone in her heart like he had. Rayn had avoided mentioning the L-word, because that would make it real, serious.

  “What do you mean you can’t? It’s a no or yes answer.” Ethan placed his hand on her shoulder, trying to twist her around to face him, but she wouldn’t budge.

  “We don’t fit outside of these walls.” Rayn sat up, thinking of the right words to say without hurting his feelings. “We come from two different worlds.”

  “I don’t fit in your world, but I fit
in your pussy.” Ethan got out of her bed and walked over to where he’d thrown his clothes. “I’m not ghetto enough for you.”

  Rayn snatched the sheet off the end of the mattress and wrapped it around her naked body. “Really!”

  “Oh wait, black enough,” Ethan uttered.

  Black enough, she thought sarcastically.

  He grabbed his jeans from the ground. “Colton is right about one thing.”

  She was hurt by his words. “And what is that?” Where is all this coming from? We were having a great time reconnecting.

  “You think you’re better than everybody else.” Ethan pulled up his jeans. “I don’t fucking care what people think about us, but you do. Every time you come back from a break, you try to back out and I’m the one always begging you. Not this time.” He pointed at Rayn. “You are the problem here, not me.” He grabbed his shirt. “I’m done wasting my time with you.”

  “Ethan!” Rayn began feeling the effects of the love mark on her collarbone. “You don’t understand.”

  “I finally do. I embarrass you.” He chuckled sarcastically. “You and Colton have one thing in common. The only difference is, his is apparent and yours is hidden.” Ethan dug in his pocket, pulling out her key, and set it on the counter. “I won’t be needing this anymore.” He opened the door and walked out without looking back.

  Rayn rushed to the door to stop him, but it was too late. She grabbed the doorknob, about to twist it open, but then she heard someone walking by and released it. She banged the door with her fist and leaned against the barrier. Ethan had taken her words wrong; she wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with him. She was afraid of what they had, and how it could affect their livelihood if the wrong person found out. Ethan had become more than he was supposed to be. Rayn unwrapped the sheets from around her body and tossed them in the hamper and made her way to the shower. It was hard for her to imagine the next three months without Ethan