Love Through Pain Read online

  “You got Monica pregnant?” She asked with excitement in her eyes.

  Javier opened his eyes and chuckled, seeing how excited she was. “I know you would love that, but no, Ma.”

  She arched her eyebrow and pointed a finger at him. “Don’t tell me you got some other girl pregnant. I don’t want drama. What your brother does is more than enough.” Her tone was stern.

  “No.” He sighed. “It’s Jazmine.”

  “You got Jazmine pregnant?” She raised her voice. “Is that why she’s here?”

  “Really, Ma.” He gave her a stern look. “I haven’t seen her in over four months.”

  She grinned. “Where is she?”

  “She’s sleeping in my room.”

  His mom touched his hand. “Dilme.”

  He could feel his nose flaring. “She got pregnant that night.”

  Maria’s eyes widened. “What? But we took her to the hospital. Tests were performed, and everything came back negative.”

  “I should’ve taken her sooner. They could’ve given her the morning after pill.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

  She grabbed his hands. “Mirame.” He stared into his mother’s eyes. “Don’t you dare blame yourself, do you hear me?” Maria cupped his face, like she used to when he was a kid. “You were there for her.”

  “I wish I had done more.” Another memory resurfaced. The blast had been so strong the windshield and windows shattered into pieces. He remembered his team lifting metal off him. He was in pain, blood ran down his neck and over his ears from his head. He glanced around at his team, none seemed to have deadly injuries. He heard Senior Chief Valle cry out in pain, begging them to help her. They ran over to her, she had a long spear of metal lodged in her leg. He bent down and grabbed her hand, seeing the pain and fear in her eyes; he took off his camouflage shirt and placed it around the metal, trying to stop the bleeding. ‘Sandra hang in there, medic’s on their way.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘Javier, please don’t let me die.’

  “I wish I had done more,” he whispered again, taking short breaths.

  “Javy.” Her eyes showed concern as she stared at him.

  He stroked his hair with his fingers to brush away his confusion. “What did you say?”

  “You did the best you could under the circumstances. She begged you not to. You saved her.”

  He grabbed a mint off the bedside table. “She’s still hurt, and now she’s carrying that animal’s baby.” He tightened his jaw.

  “What is she going do?”

  “She’s giving the child up for adoption.” He stood and walked towards the window. He moved the curtains and watched his nephew playing in the backyard. “It won’t be easy for her to let that baby go; I can see it in her eyes.”

  “It’s for the best.” Maria got up and stood next to him. “At least she didn’t take the baby’s life. She’s giving someone who can’t have children a chance to be a parent—a precious gift.”

  “She said she hated the baby.”

  “She didn’t mean that.” His mom shook her head. “If she really felt that way, she would not be doing what she is. Hijo, she’s doing what’s best for the two of them. The people who adopt him won’t know how he was conceived. That baby is innocent.”

  “I know.” Javier cracked his neck, putting his hands in his pocket. “Has Jose been by to visit his son lately?”

  “No, I don’t want him in this house.” She went back to her chair and turned on her TV.

  He turned to look at her. “Mom he is trying.”

  “Mira, he hasn’t seen his son in over six months, but he could meet you at a club.” She turned the channels.

  “It was my birthday.” He re-positioned the curtains back in place and walked in front of her.

  “Javier, when was the last time he’s helped me with his son?”

  “Do you need money?” Javier was concerned for his nephew, putting his hand in his pocket.

  “That’s not your job. Carlitos is not your son.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “He’s my nephew. I would do anything for family.” He pulled out his wallet.

  “He’s just like his dead beat father.” Maria threw the remote. “Igualito…”

  “Maybe that’s the problem, mom; you’re always comparing him to his father. My father raised him.”

  “You’re right. We raised you both the same; he just choose the wrong path. Why can’t he be more like you?”

  “Ma, I’ve made mistakes before too, or did you forget?”

  “But you learned your lesson and turned your life around.” She looked up at him. “Why can’t he?”

  “Jose is trying.”

  “If you say so.” She turned up her mouth.

  “How much do you need?”

  “Put your wallet away, you’ve already done enough,” his mom said firmly. “I didn’t say I needed money. You can’t always do everything, Javy.”

  He still opened his wallet, pulling out some bills. “Is a hundred dollars good?”

  “Te dije que no!” She pushed his hand away.

  He returned the bills, closed his wallet and put it back in his pocket. “I just want to help, you’ve always been there for me.”

  “I appreciate everything you do.” Her lips lifted into a smile. “I raised you right. I can’t wait until you give me grandbabies.”

  He looked away from her. “I’m going to check up on Jazmine, and then I’m going to go see Monica.”

  “When are you going to propose to that girl?”

  “I’m not ready.”

  “Monica is perfect for you. We’ve been waiting for you two to tie the knot.”

  “We?” He arched a brow.

  “Her mother and I, our families are close, we want this for you.”

  “What about what I want?”

  “I thought she’s what you wanted. So hurry up, and officially make them family.”

  “I’m not ready to get married.”

  “Son, you’re not getting any younger. I want to enjoy your kids.”

  He bent down and kissed her cheek. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He left her room. Children, he thought, and sighed.

  ***

  He reached his room and knocked softly. When Jazmine didn’t answer, he opened the door. She was still asleep with her manicured hand resting on her stomach.

  She must have heard him enter, because her eyes slowly fluttered open.

  He smiled.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Javier arched his brow. “For what?”

  “Falling asleep.” She sat up.

  “You’re okay, you needed it. We don’t mind.” He sat next to her.

  “I did need that.” She stretched. “What time is it?”

  “Nine.”

  “Nine, I’ve been asleep for six hours.” Her eyes widened in surprise, slipping out of the covers. “That’s the best nap I’ve had in a long time.”

  They stared at each other. “Maybe you needed me to guard you.”

  Her lips curled into a big smile. “You might be right, last time I slept all night was when you watched over me before I left town.”

  Her eyes brown eyes were mesmerizing.

  She broke their connection. “Are you still going with me next week?”

  “Yes.”

  Chapter Six

  Javier and Jazmine sat in the waiting room at the private adoption agency.

  Jazmine was reading one of their pamphlets, with a baby on the front cover.

  “Why did you choose this place?” He glanced around at the other women in the small area. Some were pregnant, and others might have been potential parents.

  “This is one of the best adoption agency’s in the US,” she absently answered him.

  “Oh.” He observed the pictures of babies on the wall.

  “This says they pay for all my medical bills,” she read aloud.

  “That makes it the best? What about the bab
y?” He turned to watch her.

  Jazmine glanced at him. “No, that’s not why.” She passed him a pamphlet. “I’m involved in the process of selecting the parents, and I get to interview them. They do a background investigation on the potential couple. The baby is their number one concern, but I get to be a part of every decision, and having them pay for the medical bill is nice perk. Having a baby can be really expensive.”

  “Don’t you have insurance?”

  “Yes, but remember, I don’t want anyone to know I’m having a baby. If I use it, human resources will know.”

  He closed the pamphlet and stared at her. “You’ve been paying your doctor appointments out of pocket?”

  “Yes.” She continued looking at the papers in her hand. “If I have to pay for the delivery, it’s going hurt my savings account. It can cost over eight grand.” She tapped her stomach. “So you see, this is the best thing for me and him.”

  “Him.” He stared at her hand, as she touched her belly.

  “Yes, it’s a boy,” she mentioned. “I really do want the best for him; he didn’t ask to be here. I want someone to love him unconditionally.”

  “I thought you hated him?”

  Her eyes shined with unshed tears. “I know I said that, but I don’t hate him. He’s an innocent baby.”

  “Can I touch your stomach?” He stared at her mid-section.

  She took his hand and placed it on her abdomen.

  He rubbed her stomach, and the baby fluttered, making him chuckle. “Did you feel that?” he asked, amused.

  She started to laugh, making her belly shake.

  “What?” He looked up at her bright smile. Javier kept his hand on her stomach.

  “Of course I can feel it, he’s inside of me.” She placed her hand on his and moved it to the side, pushing it down. “That’s his tiny head.”

  “I can’t feel it.”

  “He’s still tiny, but the sonogram showed his head is right there.” His hand massaged that spot.

  She removed her hand. The lady behind the counter was staring at them with a smirk on her face.

  He began to rub her belly, and he felt the fluttering again. She straightened up, and he got the hint; he took his hand off.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be touching you.”

  “Javier.” She caressed his arm. “I don’t mind you touching me. It’s—well—I don’t want to attach myself to him.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to hurt him.” A tear dropped. “If I get attached, I won’t be able to give him up.”

  “Would that be so wrong?”

  “Yes, because every time I see him, I’ll see them.” She wiped her tears. “I don’t ever want him to feel unwanted.”

  He stood and grasped her hand. She looked at him with uncertainty. “Let’s go.”

  He helped her stand up. “But I’m next. They squeezed me in.”

  “They won’t have a problem seeing you another day; you have something they need.” He tugged slightly on her arm. “Come on.” He wasn’t thinking about what he would do next, but he needed to get her out that office.

  The lady behind the counter called, “Mrs. O’Neal, they’ll see you now.”

  Jazmine looked at the lady, and then at him.

  He lowered his lids to hide his feelings and murmured, “Please Jazmine.”

  She squeezed his hand, and they hurriedly walked out of the adoption agency, leaving the receptionist staring.

  They trotted to his truck hand in hand. He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, but he couldn’t let her do this. He opened the passenger side door, helped her in, rushed over to his side, and jumped in.

  She stared at him. “What just happened?”

  He touched the ignition button, starting his truck, and then grabbed the steering wheel. “We need to talk.” He wouldn’t make eye contact with her.

  “Sure.”

  ***

  Javier sat across from Jazmine at the Mexican restaurant.

  She wondered what was wrong. He didn’t speak, so she pulled out the pamphlet she grabbed on the way out of the agency.

  Out of nowhere, he grabbed her hand, making her jerk. The booklet dropped on the table.

  “Sorry.” He released her hand.

  She shyly smiled. “You’re okay.” She took his hand in hers. “Now, tell me. What was that back there?”

  He stared at her, and she stared back into his dreamy gaze.

  “You don’t know much about me, so I’m going tell you a little bit.”

  “Okay.” She was a little confused. Curious—she had to admit she wanted to learn more about this man.

  “I wasn’t always a stand-up guy. When I was a teen, I followed the wrong crowd and got in trouble a couple of times.” He pulled his hand away. “I mean, I never did drugs or sold them, but I did other things like vandalizing and getting into fights.”

  She just stared at him. Where was he going with this?

  “I put my mother through a lot, and I wish I could take away the pain I caused her, but thankfully, I turned my life around.”

  “What made you change?”

  “When my brother went to jail.”

  “What did he do? If you don’t mind me asking.”

  “I was seventeen at the time; my brother Jose and Frankie, Monica’s brother, picked me up. I was trying to be like them—for some stupid reason they were my heroes. They always had nice things and good-looking girls. I didn’t know they were driving a stolen vehicle.” He sighed. “They started playing around on the road, swerving and speeding, and they didn’t see the cop tucked out of sight. We were pulled over, and arrested. When they searched the car, they found drugs. I was naïve, because I didn’t know my brother was into that shit. I trusted him.” He looked away from her.

  “But you didn’t know.”

  “The cops didn’t know that, all they saw were three young Hispanic men, in a stolen vehicle, with drugs. My brother tried to tell them I had nothing to do with it, but they didn’t listen. I can’t forget the pain in my mother’s eyes when she came down to the police station. Anyway, we went to court, and the judge gave my brother two years, and Frankie one.”

  “And you?”

  “He took pity on me. He said I had two options; enlist in the military or juvenile detection.”

  She smiled. “You chose the Navy.”

  He stared at her now. “The best thing I’ve ever done. I finally made my parents proud.”

  “You were a kid. I don’t think anyone would judge you for something you did years ago. It’s who you are now.”

  “Jazmine, I’m a different man now. I’m not rich, but I’m doing good for myself.”

  She arched her eyebrow. “Javy, I don’t care if your rich or not. Why are you telling me this?”

  ~~~

  “I want to adopt him.”

  Her eyes grew big; he knew what he’d said shocked her. “Say again?”

  He picked up his glass of water and took a gulp. “I said, let me adopt him.”

  “Where is this coming from?”

  He was doing this for selfish reason. But, he was also doing it for her. There was no way she would understand his motivation. Javier could see it in her eyes; she was trying not to feel, but she’d already fallen in love with her son.

  “You said the adoption agency was going to do an investigation on the potential parents, that’s why I told you my history. Now, you won’t get alarm if you decided to run a back ground check one me.”

  “You still haven’t answered my question.” She entwined her fingers. “When did you decide this?”

  “It’s been on my mind since you came back, but it clicked when I felt your baby.”

  “I’m giving this baby to people who will love him.”

  “You don’t think I could love him?”

  “I didn’t say that. They’re people who can’t have children, and he will be their dream come true.”

  He didn’t answer, but she
could see emotions in his eyes.

  “You have a girlfriend. Why don’t you have a baby with her?”

  “I can’t,” he whispered.

  “Excuse me, what did you say?”

  “I can’t have children,” he raised his voice. “I have never told anyone, not even Monica.”

  Her features became soft. “Sorry.” she went to touch him, and he pulled his hands away.

  “Don’t be.”

  “Javier…”

  “It happened two years ago. I was deployed in Afghanistan.”

  “But you’re in the Navy. Aren’t you supposed to be on ships?”

  His lips slightly curled. “No. We also get deployed with the Marines and Army, too.”

  “Oh.”

  “Before we get deployed, we go through a short training with the Army. Our unit was on a mission when we got hit with an explosive. Some of us were injured; thankfully, no one died.” He took a deep breath.

  “Javier, you don’t have to continue.”

  “It’s okay. We were exposed to some kind of chemical. We were shipped to Germany. They wanted to make sure that it didn’t cause any neurological or internal damage. They ran tests on everything; when I say everything, I mean down to my sperm.”

  “That’s what caused your infertility?”

  “Yes it did.” He grabbed his cup of water and watched her over the rim. “You see, I would be one of those people who would be blessed by your son. I have a good job, I’m financially stable, and I think I’ll make a good father.”

  Her eyes shined with tears. “I know you’ll make a great father, but have you thought this through?”

  “I couldn’t sleep all week thinking about this.”

  “Why this baby?”

  “Why not? That night in that alley … I wish I had gotten there sooner…”

  “Javier, the rape wasn’t your fault, you’ve been an angel to me. Is this the reason you want to adopt him; are you feeling responsible for him? Because if you do, don’t.”

  “I do feel responsible, but that’s not the reason. This baby is part of you; that night I also saved him.”

  “What about Monica, your mom?”

  “Jazmine, let me worry about them. Will you at least consider me?”